If any of you followed my travels across the Iberian peninsula, waited eagerly for my next post, “The Stud’s Summer Reading List” (maybe you gave a shit about that post ... I know I didn’t) and waited and waited for the next one (it’s hard for me to imagine who is doing this, but the statistics don’t decrease) I am disappointed (no wait, that’s not the word) apathetic to report to you that ... I don’t give a shit anymore.
This is not to say that I’m going to stop blogging, I did indeed think about it and was very close to doing so in Madrid; but, I told myself that I since I started this blog, I might as well see it through to the end, and of course I need to write a classy signoff when I’m back home.
But the thing is: On Wednesday, I leave for Brussels and Brugges, maybe Luxeombourg and then Amsterdam and the thought of sitting over my laptop, watching the city pass me by does not seem to appealing to me. There are so many things that I want to do, the burden of writing about them seems ... well, I just don't give a shit if I publish a silly blog post about them or not. Then it hit me: If I don’t give a shit, does anyone?
According to my most recent statistics on blogger, over a thousand people in each of the last three months give a shit. This staggering figure sits uneasy with me, and it seems a bit disingenuous to be constantly peddling this “Stud” lifestyle, but, when it comes down to it, I’m the one who gets tired of it? That cannot be right, and it isn’t, I love and partake in the life of a Stud as much as ever and of that my readers can rest assured.
But basically, I thought about it, and it had been weeks since I even thought about writing something. I really didn’t give a shit. Last Thursday, two mates and I went to Fabric (you can read about the first time I went to Fabric here), London's best Dubstep/Drum & Bass club; and, in effect, the world’s best club, the most fun you can have ... this is not a point of debate. Easily the best “night out” of my life, if not best “night” of my life. As soon as I got back, I filled pages upon pages of journal in with small details here and individual specific thoughts there. The pages (not really even measurable in words) flowed out of me. Then I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at my computer, knowing that a night like last Thursday had to be included into the blog. It had to. But, I typed not a word.
After my cup of coffee, which I followed with a cigarette and more procrastination, I sat down, away from my computer and reflected. If I were to write about Fabric, would it make the night any better? Conversely, If I didn’t write about Fabric, would it make the night any worse? But then I reach the key question, the philosophical crux of my or any blog really, which I had asked myself in Madrid (postponed answering in Barcelona) and then dug it back up: Do I live this “Stud” lifestyle, do I do all of the things that I do to write about them? Or do I do them because I enjoy them?
Surely I do them because I enjoy them. Sorry to my readers, but I did not go to Fabric for you guys, the heaping lot of you; rather, I went because I absolutely needed to. My mates could tell I was a bit down since I returned to Norwich from Barcelona, and Fabric was the easy, excellent, magnificent fix.
So where does this leave the blog? This is not a post saying I’m quitting, nor is it a post saying “Don’t get your hopes up about my Belgium/Amsterdam trip” (Even though you shouldn't). But instead, it’s just another post. I write about how I feel in Prague, Edinburgh and London and Lisbon and keep you all updated on the goings of this year abroad; so, in all honesty, this is merely just another update, one that happens to be about ‘The Stud’ not giving a shit. Accuse me of reading too much Joyce this semester if you will, but if there is truth in the excitement I felt when I published The Prague Chronicles upon my return from the Czech Republic, surely there exists some truth in my not giving a shit.
So, is this a cop-out post? Of course, but I’m just trying to give a full picture ... and grab another thousand page views this month. Sell out, I know. You'll probably hear from me again in Belgium ... LW
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